An article I wrote during MWC07.
This article is not going to be a list, even though I will going to be listing a bunch of people. My idea with this article is, that what if a movie was made about myth? I'm not talking about the Myth story, so calm dawn lore nerds. I'm talking about a movie about the Myth community and it's peoples. If Myth was made into an epic fantasy like film, who would play who and what type of a character would they be? I'm going to be mixing up the fantasy Myth land with the game environment. Actually I have no idea what I'm trying to do with this article. It's something that you can spend 5 minutes reading I guess. Anyway, shut up and read!
Raziel plays the main hero of the story. He is a man of mystery and valor. Many across the Myth land wish to be like him. Raziels character usually sits in a bar drinking a lot of whiskey, but he just never gets drunk. His first scene is in the beginning of the movie, when a villain enters the bar, he will make some witty commentary about the villain and then pull his gun out and shoot the villain faster than what BME disappeared after MWC06. He will keep up his rugged and calm appearance always. This man can defeat a gold fish in a staring contest. He usually roams around the desert with his trusted horse, named "East wind", and looks for more people to help. He cares deeply for people in distress and is always looking for a chance to be quiet hero of the day. When he saves people from the villains, he makes it look like he doesn't care, Clint Eastwood style. He is also the leader of our group of heroes, who forms the group up after he is warned that the prime evil of the ancient times is on the rise again.
THOR is a muscular god of thunder from the north (Brazil). He is often doing battle with the myth villains all around the myth world. From the forums to the lobbies, from ranked to unranked this bearded god will relentlessly fight against evil. With his mighty hammer he cracks the sky and makes the evildoers repent. His loud and echoing voice, with which he commands his armies (usually presented with caps lock) can be heard everywhere, from Bagrada to the Great divide. He saves the day and defeats the bad guys with his overpowering rush strategies. From north to the south, from east to the west his pack of warriors and ghols crush the horrible dark armies, that the villains have gathered. His commanding presence is valued highly within the myth community. Whenever THOR says something, people take heed to his word. His wise words spread like wildfire throughout the land of Myth, in the form of screenshots and films. Many seek audience with this man, so they would be able to enjoy his wisdom and strength. He has very few lines in the movie and is usually just smashing stuff with his electrifying hammer.
Elfoid plays the typical anti-hero type of a hero. He is a noble servant to the greater and more established heroes. From this noble companion nobody expects much. This is exactly what makes Elfoid's character a great asset to our company of heroes. From a simple servant this young newcomer shall rise and be one of the most important heroes. He has no special abilities or skills but his humble mind. His humble attitude is where Elfoids strength lies. When the a-social enemies of all the decent mythers are on the rise, Elfoid will prove himself and do a mighty deed that will be remembered by the future generations. Elfoids pure and innocent mind is the only thing that can lead our heroes through the Gray Svamp of the Forgotten (Mariusnet) and the infamous riddler, Frumius, that lives there.
Sb plays the dark avenger. A handsome stranger who usually works alone (emo). He is a mercenary who will work for whoever pays him the most m2sbr. During the dark hours of the night, when the bad guys least expect it, this dark avenger fights evil and protects the innocent (assuming there is m2sbr to be had from it). Sb's characters folly is his overzealous nature. Sometimes his proud mind shows itself in the form of excessive bragging and may cause nuisance for others, and sometimes - . It causes something devastating. He carries a great burden in his heart. Dantski turning to the dark side is Soulblighter's fault and for that many, himself included, will never forgive him. This is why he is trying to redeem himself by joining our gang of heroes. The reason he was accepted to the gang is that he has perfected the infamous streamline juke move. He was taught by the dark master himself. Some say that the years spent under God cop's teaching have left a mark in his soul, and thus he should not be trusted. During the final epic battle scene he of course ends up fighting Dantski's character.
Tb plays the Errol Flynn's Robin Hood style hero. He and his merry men usually patrol the woods and tease the villains playfully. He usually undoes what the villains just did and makes the repay for what they did. He is the last hero to join the group. Tb's character doesn't join them until they try to catch him while he runs around the woods. Eventually the main hero catches him of course. Tb's character tries to annoy Sb's character all the time and they have lots of witty commentary and friendly competition with each other throughout the movie. This character provides the rest of the heroes green tights and merry dust. During the final epic fight scene he and Sb's character stay to defend the village, while the other heroes go fight the main villain in his castle. During the fight they of course bond with each other and kiss and make up.
Cu, A.k.a "La Cucaracha"
Cu is an infamous myth mobster. Together with his loyal gang of thugs he "protects" the myth civilians. He and his accomplices have a grip hold over the forums as well. Whenever one of them does something or gets in trouble, he is immediately backed up by the whole brotherhood. Cu himself calmly sits in his in the myth lobby, usually in the room "The Great Library" and carefully selects his next move. He usually lets his big gun and trusted number two, Shaister do the dirty work. His business has it's legitimate front side, which is run by Ska. The mobsters he commands are feared by the whole myth community. Because his business is usually covert ops, which are cleverly disguised, most people don't even realize that he and his friends are villains. When the heroes of the story arrive to the village, he is and his buddies are driven away from the village. These kind of villains are usually the first ones to die in the film.
Liger once terrorized everyone in the halls of playmyth.net and in the forums. He challenged everyone to duel him in the sunrise, with his choise of weapons. Many fell into his web and were greatly damaged. Eventually his reign of terror was put to a halt by the Myth heroes of yore, after he made fun of some of the heroes of the past. Eventually he was mostly forgotten, but deep in peoples minds his terrible deeds of terror were still remembered. He became the villain of old folklore and most have dismissed him as a product of imagination, a part of old wives tale. He has emerged a couple of times under stolen identities and many who remember still fear that one day he will return for real, with films.
Clank is one of those middle level villains, whose evil deeds are still rather modest. That's why not many have heard of him and even less fear him. This ticks him off greatly and he feels the need to prove himself to the big villain and everyone else. This comes out in the form of him trying to make a lot of snappy comments about the heroes, that usually fail quite badly (cock n sucki'). He is one of the main villains most loyal lackeys. He is one of those desperate villains who just don't know when it's over and tries to destroy the world even after the main villain is defeated. He fails at it, of course. His part in the evils plans ends up being rather small, so instead of slaying him the heroes let him go and Clank spends rest of his days as the crazy herald who lives under the bridge and tries to scare the children.
Dantski used to be the most pure hearted of heroes. His long golden hair was known across the land. His good deeds were the stuff of legends. He was one Myth community's most famous heroes, until one day his mind was corrupted. The unfortunate day when he met Soulblighter and his overzealous ego, he was traumatized for life. Suddenly the temptations of the dark side were too much for him and in a flick of an eye he turned. He has sworn that he will get his revenge on the hypocritical heroes of Myth. He holds no true loyalty to the bad guys, but the rage inside him will lead to the fact that he is obsessed with getting revenge on those who once hurt him. His goal is to lead his herd of timid farmers to defeat one of the mighty m2sbr teams of myth. Then his revenge would be complete. At the end of the movie he leads the bad guys charge on the village and has a big fight scene with Soulblighters character.
If you have ever heard about the Odyssey, you have heard about the tempting sirens who lure men from the ocean to them with their singing and then devour the men. Teenie is like one of those sirens. She is a tempting succubus who can lead some of the most noble heroes of the myth community to their peril. She lures innocent mythers in her "Myth picture thread" and once someone approaches, she grabs them with her tentacles. She posts a new bait there every day. She is not of the villains who makes evil master plans, but she was glad to join Dantski in his quest for revenge. She manages to lure almost all of the good guys at some point, but she is defeated by the main hero, who is immune to her charm.
Flatline is the huge and monster like bad guy, who serves only the main villain. His existence isn't revealed until the heroes have already gained some victories over the bad guys' agenda. His first scene comes up, when Clank's character goes to whine to the main villain and the main villain says that he is not worried and points to the wall, which opens and the huge monster like villain steps out from the shadows and says something like "I will break them", with a very low and dark voice. Flatline's character ends up fighting the "strong" hero (THOR in this case), when the heroes penetrate the main villains dark castle. THOR's character wins of course, by smashing Flatline's characters head with his mighty mallet. This move is accompanied by some fatal comment, like "MONKEY ANUS VIRGIN".
Rawr and Enigman are playing street thugs. They bully people in the myth lobbies and threaten to "slice" them with razors, if the people being bullied don't give up the ranked points they just won. They have more methods for getting what they want though, than just threatening people with physical violence. Enigman can force people to listen to his "Death rap" and Rawr can always threaten people that he will post more pictures of himself, where he will look like a pale Mexican leprachan. They are relatively harmless villains though who only specialize in small time crimes. Their thuggness isn't organized, unlike La Cucarachas gang. They are kinda like those two goofy pirates from the POTC movies. In the final epic battle scene they are among the villains who attack the village. After things go bad for them, they are shown fleeing from the battlefield.
God cops is the prime evil. The commander of all the myth villains. His terrible regime ruled over the myth land for several years, until one of his most trusted lackeys, Asian cops was being careless and was defeated by the heroes of the old. With Asian cops defeated, eventually God cops went down with him, since Asian cops was his monster like sidekick of the time. His factories that made the finest dorfing gloves from here to Acheron's basement, were put to the ground. This does not mean that God cops was defeated however. The fact that people no longer remember him means that they no longer understand to fear him. He stills haunts the young mythers in their dreams, they just don't know who he is. He sits on his dark throne and plots the eventual doomsday, that will make him the dark lord of all the Myth land for another 1000 years. His prime villain lackeys are doing his dirty work for him right now, but their work is only a small part of his plan. When the time is right, he will raise his diabolical legions once more and take the unsuspecting Myth community by storm. He unleashes his legions at the end and they attack the village. In the end he has a big fight scene with Raziel.
Seeker: Seeker is the mad scientist of the village. He usually sides himself with the heroes and gives them nifty potions and gadgets that might help them in their quest. Most of the things he gives to the heroes don't work though, like the pills that are supposed to enhance your "star power" by two inches.
Rabican: Rabican is the village drunk, whose unclean appearance boggles many. He is an old war veteran, whose experiences in the wars past have made him like he is now. He can usually be found mumbling some drunken jargon outside the village tavern. He is included for the comic relief.
Zagon: Zagon is the slightly fat and bald middle-aged man of the village, who is always opposing all the suggestions the heroes make. His own suggestions usually get shot down, since they are usually not very useful. Eventually he will get so bitter, that the bad guys trick him to poison the village water supply.
T'ai Kung: Tai is the strong and old fashioned farmer of the town, who starts off by opposing everything the heroes try to do (like Zagon), with the pretence that their actions will only anger the bad guys. In the end however, this noble man chooses the right path and ends up helping the heroes. Unfortunately these kind of characters usually get killed in the end. In their death scene the main hero usually holds this character in his arms while he says something moving and inspiring, like "give them hell", "do it for all of us, "don't let my death be in vain" or "feed my fish, but don't dribble too much of the stuff into the tank, because then the water would get greasy and the fish wouldn't like that. If you have doubts about the dosing, I'm sure my neighbour can give you the details".
Paris: Paris is the guy who would want to join the heroes and tries to convince them that he is capable of fighting, but he is just too young to be accepted. This young fair haired fellow does get weapons and a pat in the back from one of the heroes in final epic fight scene though. In the middle of the battle, when it kinda looks like the good guys are going to lose, the camera zooms in on Paris who is shown crying, which is supposed to symbolize the agony of the moment.
Newskin: Newskin is the beautiful blonde girl of the village, who falls in love with the main hero. Her love is in vain however, because the main hero still mourns his long lost love. Or maybe he just likes men, I dunno. It never really gets explained why he doesn't just bang the hot blonde chick of the village. The fact that the main hero managed to resist the evil succubus' charm would support the gay theory though.