An article I wrote in may 2011.
Hello! I haven't reviewed anything for a while, so please excuse me. I also haven't played this game properly for a long time, so please excuse me for that as well. Few days ago I started getting some myth games under my belt to shake the rust off by playing against some newbies. Man, that's just not that easy with all these super myth veterans around. I feel like they are stalking me from the mariusnet player list so they show up everytime I'm online.
So, on to the game!
We played few smaller games before. You know, while we're waiting for some players. Liger had also stopped by earlier to say something irrelevant about random crap nobody cares about. I believe that this GIANT KILLER GENERAL was the host of this particular game. He hosts many games I see. In every game he has a huge amount of people joining him. That's just how cool he is. Well, I figured that maybe I should still keep playing since I noticed that this young daring person called "Demolition" (also known as FAKE ERIK) was also captaining a team.
Another young hot shot in the game was Paris, who kept trying to join me so we would form a team and I would captain. This is nothing new to me as people often try to do that to me. I had my "disband team" button ready at hand. I had to use it a few times. Boy this Paris person is persistant. I just remembered the game host was actually this french person called Enculator, and not GIANT KILLER GENERAL.
The French are vile creatures who have apparently allied themselves with Paris, naturally. Once Paris joined me once more and Enculator jump started the game. This brought a sweat on my brow. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Enculator's and Paris' clever ploy works and I am stuck as being captain. Without thinking much else my initial reaction to their schemes was this:
The game is a game of territories played on the map If I had a trow. 12 minutes. This was my first game captaining a large game in almost a year, so naturally my hands are sweating like crazy and I'm breathing pretty fast.
Much to my horror I then pressed F7 to see who was on the other team.
I was deeply frightened. Allow me to introduce their team:
They are being captained by the legendary VERMINIX.
A person who Tiger nomited as being the most developed myther of the year (2004).
The team is being cocaptained by the legendary LIZARD KING (also known as Kilgrath). He also made it to Tiger's top players list.
And the last but certainly not least, the legendary TIRRI KILLER FIVE BALL JUGGERNAUGHT GIANT KILLER GENERAL .
So after I realize all this, I'm like:
Facing this opposition, I know my chances of winning this game could be bleak. I also noticed that the other team has the ever so sneaky Enculator, but his name means something rather dirty in French so he's not getting an image. Strangely enough, you also get a picture of Elfoid if you google Enculator.
? During the planning time I'm quickly trying to decide who to give what units. Paris notices that I gave this person called "Cremisi" two trows. Paris then says:
? To which I reply "of course, I would never give Creme trows". As the planning time begins to run out, I try to gather my courage, sit up straight and lay my sweating hands on the keyboard and mouse.
As the game begins, GIANT KILLER GENERAL taunts our team with:
Which immediately brings the image of THUNDERDOME from Mad max 3 to my mind. I can hear the crowds chanting "Two teams enter, one team leaves" over and over again. I do my best to try to block this horrifying image from my head.
My team proceeds to cover all 3 flanks. The opposing five ball juggernaught team does the same.
Notice how no one else has included a picture like this in a review before. Just a shot of the overhead map. Simple and yet so elegant.
Soon, at the northern flank the FIVE BALL TIRRI KILLER GIANT KILLER GENERAL is agressively harassing the lesser creatures Paris and Demolition.
The result of this battle is roughly an even trade, with GIANT KILLER GENERAL destroying all of Demoliton's myrkridians and warlocks, while losing a trow and also making one of Paris' trows red.
You could also imagine Paris' trow screaming "ACH IT BUUUURNSSSS!!!"
After the stand off at north, the deciding battle of the game would be held at the southern flank.I take my one trow and start heading south where I notice that Cremisi and Argos are facing the american five ball superstar LIZARD KING. Unfortunately, the ever so crafty Verminix (seen here disguised as a dentist) follows me south so we gain no advantage there.
The fight goes back and forth with trows exchanging blows. Here I am seen weakening the Lizard king by pulverizing one of his myrkridians.
I clever move by me I must say.
The slow deciding battle south takes a decisive turn as the mighty GIANT KILLER TIRRI KILLER GENERAL FIVE BALLER orders his troops to move forward at the southern flank.
As an awesome leader I notice that our southern flank is slightly over extended, so I tell them to head back to our side when the upcoming rush is evident.
Demolition, who is now left unitless after the battle north tells the south to have more care.
The battle commences. The southern battle does not start well for us as Cremisi keeps on taking unnecessary hits with his trow, which brings their health down to threathening levels. Just as Paris had predicted.
The looming of presence of GIANT TIRRI BALLING FIVE STAR GENERAL is also present south as he sneakily destroys our warlocks.
This comes with a cost however. Thanks to my ever watchful eyes, we also terminate TIRRI GIANT GENERAL KILLER BALLS' trow. Here I am seen delivering the final blow to his trow:
Aren't I awesome? I sure am!
Here you can see me dealing another deathblow to one of Lizard King's trow. Also note how my trow is still at green health despite having so much combat experience. That is a sign of a true myth professional.
After these deathblows the south situation looks like this. Lizard king decides to flee while Verminix (still disguised as a dentist) wants to suicide his trow and some myrks. Notice how my trow is now doing a brokick with Cremisis' two trows.
After the southern battlefield is cleared, the situation seems to be in our favor. Two of our trows turned out to be stoners however, so this might not be over.
The feeling on the superior orange team seems to be similar as Enculator tries to still lift up the team spirit.
The French are afterall known for never giving up!
The skies on our team begin to darken once more as the BALL KILLING GIANT TIRRI GENERAL gets his hands on a warlock – a unit capable of much destruction.
However, I am being ever alert and despite all my fears, I decide to face the terrible warlock controlled by FIVE TIRRI'S IN A GIANT KILLING HOUSE OF BALLS with my bloated undead wight (*this trick is based on an old legend that says that the only weakness GKG possesses is wights) that is emerging from the waters. Here is the result:
The warlock dies while MOTHERFUCKING GIANT CRUSHING GENERAL OF TIRRI'S BALLS tries to act like it's all cool when he realises that his team might end up losing.
After this we mop up the rest of the super serially stacked team. Here's a shot at our troops celebrating (except for that one Warlock that is staring at the seas) once it's all over.
So what do you guys think? I'm beginning to believe that Pulverizer and Flatline were right all along. Myth community, do not let yourselves be bullied by the likes of GKG. When we stand united, we can deal with even most menacing of threats! A brighter day will come!