"Medieval Threat Assessment - where do you fit in?" - by Adrenaline from MWC11.
HEY AGAIN MYTH PEOPLES. FOR MY SECOND ARTICLE I PRESENT TO YOU:
MYTH IN THE MEDIEVAL TIMES : A Different Approach to Threat Assessment
A brief overview of the medieval period:
The medieval time of history spans a period of more than 700 years, beginning around the year 800. During this time, there were key advances in society, government and religion.
In 1066, William the Conqueror led the Norman Conquest of England which brought feudalism and started the widespread building of castles. Feudalism continued to develop, reaching its height during this period. Since there was little unity or regional boundaries outside of the large cities, the feudal system began to form to give this societal climate a basis for governmental structure. Under the feudal system, individuals were bound to serve a superior. The king was at the top with the nobles, barons, lords and knights below him. In return for service, individuals received protection from their superiors and in return would provide men to fight if the need arose.
So with out further adieu, the medieval threat assessments...
THE ROYALTY threat: honorary 5 balls
The myth royalty consists of people who's efforts help sustain this game that we all love. The only person participating in this tournament that fits this description is GRIM. Congrats Grim, you are the King of Myth.
THE KNIGHTS OF MYTH threat: 4-5 balls
The Knights of Myth are the noblest of warriors. Highly skilled, the Knights are ranked above the common soldier for continuously proving themselves on the battlefield. These men are respected veterans with years of experience. Some are heavily decorated, with many tournament victories under their belts. Among these men are accomplished captains, strategists, heavy hitters, and top-notch role players. The Knights of Myth include:
Shaister, Ska, East Wind, Limp, Myrk, Sam, Bone, Dantski, Karma, Ghengis, Cosmictruth
THE BLACK KNIGHTS threat level: MIDNIGHT
The Black Knights of Myth are a feared lot. Known for their 1v1 prowess and unquenchable thirst for blood, these killers are a force to be reckoned with. Once noble knights themselves, the Black Knights were cast out when their egos became too large to contain, and are now hated by the general populace. They can be distinguished from other knights by their unmistakably black appearance. While it is common practice to hate-play a Black Knight, such behavior is not advisable and poses a serious risk to your health. The Black Knights are:
THE BERSERKERS threat: 4-5 balls
The Berserkers are mercenaries of no known allegiance. They are blood thirty lunatics who will whore their services out to the highest bidder. Do not be fooled, these crazy motherfuckers are no pushover. Many of them have tasted victory and will stop at nothing to taste it again. And I mean nothing. Legend has it that one once raped an aborted fetus while riding the back of an alligator. I won't name names, but it was Verminix. The Berserkers are:
Paris, Kilgrath, Verminix, Chron
THE NORTHMEN threat: 3-5 balls
The Northmen are a savage bunch consisting mostly of Finns and Swedes. Their skill levels range from 3 to 5 balls, as some of these barbarians haven't seen battle for many moons. While enjoying many grand victories in the past, a tournament win has eluded many of these savages for quite some time, leaving "a bitter taste in their mouth" (The Spoken Word of Tirri, 2010). While some have homes on other teams, the majority of The Northmen have reformed the Northern Paladins... the quintessential 5 trow team of the days of yore. The Northmen include:
Tirri, Rabican, Chickenwire, Gekko, Xel, Trixta, Migraine, Apollo, Ludde, Zaramis, and Fire
THE SOLDIERS threat: 3-4 balls
The common soldier makes up the bulk of the armies each tournament, flocking to the battlefields in large numbers. Many of the soldiers are highly skilled warriors who may one day be knighted, but many are simply bodies covered in armor, carrying weapons...forever destined to follow their superiors into battle. Some soldiers have the ability to be heavy hitters on lesser teams, although the typical duties of the common soldier are that of the role-player. The soldiers include:
absolut, ProfessionalKiller, monty, thalander, ratking, homer, honkey, dac, hadiez, headhunter, mark, golem, demo, CRC, Muse, Ksiaze, pogue, slate, spike, argos, rodekill, enculator, zak
THE SQUIRES threat: 1-2.5 balls
As indicated in the picture, the squire's main duty includes doing whatever the *cruiser* is asked of them. Barely a level above the peasants, the squires will fight for whichever team they are assigned to. It is not a squire's job to ask questions. A common trait amongst the squires is an acute case of 3-ball envy. The squires include:
fatherxmas, methnen, valentine, falcon, zombie, boss, reekfish, mbug, cremisi
THE SPIES threat: 5 sneaky balls
The Spy provides invaluable information about the enemy. However, the spy is not to be trusted... often changing allegiances at the drop of a dime. When bought for the right price however, the spy is a solid addition to a roster... contributing a keen sense of situation awareness... a skill necessary for survival in his line of work. The Spy is:
THE PEASANTS threat: 1 ball
The peasants are morons who really contribute nothing to Myth, aside from the occasional annoyance. These filthy idiots like to roll in shit all day and are usually the first to contract and spread the disease carried by the Plague Rat . If these halfwits had the ability to reproduce, the plague would probably destroy myth as we know it... as was feared during the outbreak of 2011. The Peasants are:
THE COURT JESTERS threat: 3 juggling balls (5 balls entertainment, 1 ball play / 2=3)
The Court Jesters are poorly armed for battle... barely posing a threat to even the lowly peasants. As such, they are rarely seen in games. Every summer the King summons the jesters to his castle for the great celebration that is the Myth World Cup. Here they are expected to dance* and sing** for the amusement of the knights, soldiers, and peasants. There is only one jester this year as far as I am aware:
**make bombay movies
THE WENCHES threat: 2 balls on their chin
The wenches serve no purpose but to spread their legs and get fucked by anyone and everyone. These bitches like to brag about how they suck with more than a single unit, which is fine... as it is their duty to handle a single unit in their mouth, pussy, or ass. The wenches include:
THE PLAGUE RAT threat: NO BALLS
This Plague Rat is the cause of most problems on Myth... running around spreading its disease and lies to any peasant it comes in contact with. It is hard to tell if it was just born this way, or if these attacks are malicious. There is no known way to exterminate the Plague Rat. Defeating it at 1v1 only seems to make matters worse. It is best just to ignore the Plague Rat and avoid contact with it at all costs. The Plague Rat is: obviously: none other than:
AND THUS CONCLUDES THE ARTICLE.